Man plans to propose to his girlfriend on Christmas, but doesn't buy her a Christmas gift since “the engagement is enough”, friend calls him out: 'Proposing is not a present‘

Author image for Bar Mor Hazut
Bar Mor Hazut • Senior Editor
Nov 30, 2025 2:00 PM EST

When one person proposes to another, can the proposal be considered a gift?

Many couples want the moment they get engaged to be special and memorable, so a lot of people plan it during a time that is already special in itself–proposing during a birthday, Christmas, or even Valentine's Day. The question is, if you propose during a day that already has a celebration, are you exempt from the original festivities?

The man in the story below plans to propose to his girlfriend on Christmas Day, while the family opens the Christmas presents. However, since he is already giving his girlfriend an engagement ring, this guy doesn't think it's necessary to buy additional Christmas presents for his soon-to-be fiancée.

When he said as much to a friend, the friend told him that she thinks his girlfriend would not appreciate him skipping over the Christmas presents, and that getting engaged is not considered a gift, at least not in the way he views it.

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  • This led to a heated debate between the two friends, and we want to know where you stand. Keep scrolling to read the full story, and share your thoughts in the comments below.

  • 01

    AITA for telling my friend that proposing is not a suitable 'Christmas present'?

    I have a friend who I'll be calling "Harry". Harry and I have known each other for over a decade (we're in our early 30s), he was part of my own wedding party, and 99 times out of 100, he's an all round great guy.
    via jamaicanmescream
  • 02
    Man proposing to girlfriend on Christmas
    via FluxFactory

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 03
    Harry has been dating his girlfriend for around 4 years - she's an absolute diamond, and brings out all of the best qualities in him.
    via jamaicanmescream
  • 04
    A couple of weeks ago, Harry confided in me that he was planning to propose to his partner over Christmas - she's very family focused, and he is setting it up so his parents 'unexpectedly' visit them (they're doing Christmas with her family this year) early in the morning, and he will propose during present opening in front of his and her parents, and her siblings and their partners/kids.
    via jamaicanmescream
  • 05
    When chatting about arrangements a couple of days ago, Harry made a throwaway comment about the engagement saving him some time in relation to the rest of his Christmas shopping.
    via jamaicanmescream
  • 06
    I asked him what he meant, and he said that since he was proposing, he hadn't planned to get his partner anything else for Christmas.
    via jamaicanmescream
  • 07
    I said that the two were not mutually exclusive - when I got engaged, albeit not at Christmas, my husband still got me a birthday present the following month.
    via jamaicanmescream
  • 08
    Harry raised that the ring was costing him more than several usual Christmas and birthday present combined, which is true, but it is not the case that he is scraping together every last penny to buy it either, and there is absolutely money to spare for a couple of gifts that he'd usually get his partner.
    via jamaicanmescream
  • 09
    I also pointed out that since he is hoping to surprise her with the proposal, that it would become quite obvious that something was afoot if there were no presents for her from him under the tree.
    via jamaicanmescream
  • 10
    We went back and forth for a while, with Harry continuing to take the stance that 'getting engaged' is definitely a gift.
    via jamaicanmescream
  • 11
    I said that it was all well and good, but that his girlfriend will absolutely have bought him gifts that he will both appreciate and use, and that an engagement is in no way the same kind of exchange in that sense.
    via jamaicanmescream
  • 12
    Additionally, while his partner is in no way materialistic, she is someone who appreciates the 'give and take' of mutual present exchanges like Christmas, white elephants etc.
    via jamaicanmescream
  • 13
    We didn't have a major fight or anything like that about this, but Harry has said that he's probably not going to share more about the engagement with me because I have 'differing views'.
    via jamaicanmescream
  • 14
    Christmas Presents under Tree
    via VisualField

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 15
    I don't want to be a stubborn old fool on something I'm clearly wrong about, so would appreciate the view of Internet strangers on this.
    via jamaicanmescream
  • 16
    Edit: A couple of comments are on the same lines so I'll respond to them here instead of individually: "He shouldn't propose to her in front of others" - getting engaged in front of family would suit his partner to a tee, this is definitely something she would want based on previous conversations.
    via jamaicanmescream
  • 17
    "You shouldn't involve yourself too much in your friend's life" - the entire discussion lasted maybe 5 minutes while we were having a drink, including Harry saying he'd not bring it up with me anymore.
    via jamaicanmescream
  • 18
    In no way have I told him point blank to do/not do something, and we have spoken since civilly on other topics since.
    via jamaicanmescream
  • 19
    I'd hope that everyone has a friend or two who'll be honest to them if they think they're in the wrong - to be frank.
    via jamaicanmescream
  • 20
    my question here centred on the proposal as the gift, not on if I'm a bad friend.
    via jamaicanmescream
  • 21
    Nanny_Oggs NTA. I think the idea that proposing is a gift from him to her, as opposed to a mutually joyful step forward for both of them, is a bit distasteful.
    via Nanny_Oggs
  • 22
    Professional-Ad4787 So he thinks he's the gift to her.
    via Professional-Ad4787
  • 23
    ryhan0 "The engagement is the present" reads as if engagement and marriage is only to benefit her. It feels like he's selling himself as a gift while that's simply not true. In a relationship engagement and marriage should be for both sides so no NTA.
    via ryhan0
  • 24
    KDSD628 NTA and what he said about "getting engaged is a gift" made me want to puke. That is such a shitty attitude to have going into all of this. I cannot imagine wanting to propose to someone who I supposedly love with the attitude of "but they better not expect any gifts or generosity from me after this".
    via KDSD628
  • 25
    Ambitious_Yoghurt_70 NTA. Getting engaged is not a present.
    via Ambitious_Yoghurt_70
  • 26
    4-ton-mantis I have a birthday in November and my nfamilyv when i was a kid would give me one present "for both birthday and Christmas" while every other kid in the family for individual presents for each. That's what this reminds me of.
    via 4-ton-mantis
  • 27
    OhNoXo I used to work at a jewellers and the number of men who would appear in the lead up to Christmas, figuring they'd 'just buy an engagement ring' for Christmas, was sickening. They never put any effort into picking it and would usually ask what was on sale when I tried to narrow down what they were looking for. I'm not saying this is the same, but it happened too often that I can't help but feel that Christmas proposals are both thoughtless and lazy
    via OhNoXo
  • 28
    Nta EffableFornent Does he think he's a prize? It just seems like a weird mentality for him to have. I kind of see his point, and any real Christmas gift he gets her will probably be forgotten about... But it's also just kind of strange to think that an engagement is a present for her, rather than a commitment as a couple?
    via EffableFornent
  • 29
    Night Owl_26 NTA. She may not realize it in the moment as she's excited about the proposal but she will absolutely realize it as he opens gifts from her and others that he has chosen the easy way out and decided it was important to gift her anything for the holiday. Also, if and when she dumps him, the ring is rightfully hers because he gave it to her as a gift and not as a contractual agreement.
    via Night_Owl_26
  • 30
    SpellEmbarrassed3516 Woah. This guy thinks asking her to marry him is a gift? She'd be wise to say "no".
    via SpellEmbarrassed3516

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christmas aita marriage presents drama marriage proposal relationship-drama gift proposal relationships christmas presents couples love dating
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